Humour as a litmus test

Connection can be a tricky thing

Connection can be a tricky thing. As we make our way through life we will ultimately run into a large number of people. Most of them won’t be a match. Some will be a pretty good fit. A couple, if we’re lucky, will feel perfectly tailor-made. 

It’s quite the feeling, meeting someone who just ‘gets you’. The conversation flows, you have shared context, a mutual understanding. It feels playful, fun, rare. I say rare because it is rare. Real connection does not come by every day, if ever. But it happens. You bump into someone at a party, at school, work, online, and you immediately know you’ll be friends. Like you’re attuned to the same frequency, speak the same language. 

It goes the other way ‘round as well. Sometimes it’s clear straight off the bat when an interaction should stay just that: singular. When you’re both trying but what you say simply doesn’t land. You can’t grasp each other's brains. 

But it’s not always easy to navigate. When first meeting someone you can’t know whether or not they are being their truest self. Whether they’d be more comfortable and fun in another setting, if they’re having a bad day, putting on a lively performative mask, or perhaps need time to open up. Sometimes you require more information.

Regardless, I’ve found the best and quickest indicator of connection to be humour. Humour is revealing. It says something about intelligence, creativity, outlook on life, beliefs, empathy, self awareness, and self-esteem. If you have the same type of humour as someone, you most likely view the world through similar glasses too. 

It’s unconsciously the first thing I look for in other people. It’s the tell-tale, the litmus test. Does their reaction to what I say build on my silliness or drag it to a halt? Do their eyes light up or grow distant? Do they meet me at my level? Reciprocate the vibe? Banter? Do they genuinely make me smile?

Humour is hard to fake. Not just because you have to authentically produce it yourself, but because you also have to process others’ and respond to it spontaneously. It takes cognitive and emotional abilities.

And it’s not about something being objectively good or bad, right or wrong, funny or not funny. It’s about what you think is funny, what your type of people would giggle at. It ultimately comes down to showing your colours and being yourself out loud. Cracking your jokes or telling your stories and seeing where in the room the laughter is coming from.

When you have a shared language, connection feels easy. You don’t have to work for it. You don’t have to think about how to keep the conversation going, it just does. Humour works as a safe baseline – a bond. You can talk about anything and everything, have the deepest of conversations, then come up for air with a silly little comment. When someone can make you laugh through difficult times, that’s when you know.

That’s what it comes down to, really, the simple fact that: it feels good to laugh. And when something feels good, why not strive to experience as much of it as possible? We need friends we can have fun with. We also need friends we can talk to, depend on, trust. If there is shared genuine humour, connection and understanding naturally follow. That is, at least, what I have found to be true.

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