How to put your heart in your writing

And a few notes on my writing process

I did a Q&A on Instagram, but felt like some of the questions deserved longer, more thorough answers. Here are some of the ones I gathered on writing, including what my writing process looks like and what inspires me.

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Q: How to put your heart in your writing?

A: Write about what’s real for you right now. Be honest and specific. Use examples from your own life.

I’m no expert, but what I hear a lot of artists say is: Saying something personal is saying something universal. It’s somewhat counter-intuitive because our experiences feel unique to us, so in order to be relatable and reach a bigger crowd, the default response is to use broad words and examples. But that tends to flatten it. Specificity makes it come alive.

And the details don’t actually matter that much—it’s about the feelings they evoke, the stories that starts playing in our minds as readers. We can relate to feelings, even if we can’t relate to exact situations.

So, notice what you care about, collect the moments that tug on something inside of you, then sprinkle them into your texts where it seems fitting. Pinpoint what it is, exactly, that makes you feel. Explore it on the page. What does it remind you of? What colour does it have? What texture?

I filled To be loved is to be known with personal examples, mentioning tiny details I had tucked away over the years. And by being so specific, people were reminded of their own memories: their dad sending them articles about their favourite band; their best friend gifting them a basketball card of their favourite player; their boyfriend remembering a small thing they once said in passing.

Taylor Swift is exceptionally good at this. She pours her heart out, writing hyper-specific, personal lyrics (Think All Too Well (10 minute version)) referencing exact locations, ages, clothing items, temperatures—like a page from her diary.

Of course, there is a fine line between sharing and oversharing, and you have to figure out what feels good to you—what feels personal vs private. Putting your heart in your writing isn’t about laying your deepest, darkest secrets out on the table, nor inviting everyone into the private sphere of your life. Keep things to yourself. But show what you care about, what you notice in the world.

Rather than going big—zoom in.

If I feel like a piece lacks a certain “heartfeltness,” I also find it helpful to ask myself questions like: Why does this matter? Why is this important to me? (I learned that from Henrik Karlsson, who, by the way, is an amazing writer who gives great writing advice and insights into his process.) I try to answer those questions honestly and somehow incorporate the essence of them. Again, you don’t have to include anything too private, but it gives you a new layer to play with and a better understanding of what you’re really trying to say.

Q: Do you write in sprints from recent inspiration or just add to writing over time?