Being yourself out loud

Where have you been all my life, I’ve been looking for you

A while ago, I stepped outside my comfort zone and said yes to have an opinion piece on a city matter published in my local newspaper. I’ve written news articles for them before, but back then, I could hide behind the role as a reporting journalist. This time it was just me. It felt scary to suddenly shout my opinion out loud when I’d been a silent spectator for so long. I didn’t know what to expect; whether I’d get criticism, praise, or thunderous silence. I reminded myself that it wasn’t that big of a deal – no one would probably read it either way. But they did. And by “them,” I mean the people who commented or reached out because they either:

1. Agreed and thought it was a great piece.

2. Wanted to repost and share it with their own audience.

3. Asked if I’d like to join their group or organisation.

There’s all kinds of lessons and wisdom I could draw from this. I could say “stepping out of your comfort zone pays off” or “you never know who’s paying attention” or “by voicing your opinion, others feel safe to do the same”, but the one that stood out to me the most was:

— Being yourself out loud makes it easier for like-minded people to find you —

You (I’m saying you, but I’m one hundred percent talking about myself here too) can’t expect your people to find you if you hide. If you don’t talk about your interests or obsessions or sing along to that song you love at the party, the other person who’s also obsessed with that thing and also knows every word to that song, won’t know you’re there. They’ll chat with someone else about something trivial, then maybe sneak out early.

We’re walking contact ads. We can’t blend in with the crowd and expect the right people to magically see through us – they’ll flock to the ones who authentically open the blinds. If you’re a certain type of person, you need to let it show.

That’s how your people find you: by saying your thoughts and opinions out loud, by wearing your favourite band t-shirt or brand, by joining a course you’re interested in, creating art and posting it on social media, engaging in whatever you’re passionate about, wearing all black or all pink or driving around with a “getaway car” or “hockey dad” bumper-sticker. That’s how you find your people too: by paying attention and reaching out when you see someone who strikes a chord with you.

Henrik Karlsson wrote a brilliant piece on how blog posts are long and complex search queries, and it’s spot on. The world is large; there are so many people who’ll absolutely love you out there – who’ll find themselves thinking where have you been all my life, I’ve been looking for you – but you won’t appear in their search results if you don’t use their keywords.

You have to dare.

This isn’t to say it’s easy. Truth be told, I find it very difficult to just be myself sometimes. Because who am I, really? What do I actually like, what do I actually think about this or that, how much of this is truly authentic and how much is copied or influenced by others? How weird can I be and still feel accepted within this group? We’re constantly changing and evolving, so perhaps the better question is: who am I right now. It can be frustrating, it can be freeing. But once you get the ball rolling, it will gain its own momentum at some point. I choose to trust that.

The opinion piece didn't get me new friends in the sense of them necessarily being “my people,” but it got me a few new acquaintances. It got me opportunities. Not everyone and everything will be the right fit for you. By being yourself out loud, you’ll attract lots of different people wanting different things from you. This is where discernment enters the chat. But the bigger the pool the better the chances.

We’re all out here looking for our people, so hold that big blasting neon sign over your head and do all your weirdest dance moves. And when you come across another like-minded person out there: say hi.

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